Choosing Joy: Tips to Achieve Happiness

Happiness can feel elusive, determined by what’s happening (or not happening) right now. Joy, on the other hand, is a sense of contentment one feels regardless of the current situation.  It is not altered by external factors.  You don’t have to wait until the trouble is over to be filled with joy.  You may be wondering, “How can I be full of joy when things aren’t going well in my life?”  Well, it takes a lot of effort, but the answer is simple.  Are you ready?  Experiencing a joy-filled life, no matter the circumstance, depends on where you choose to focus your attention.  Here is a short list of things to focus on that can help bring more joy to your life:

Accept that the past is the past.

Understand that you cannot change things that happened in the past, but you can focus on the future and do what you can to make a positive impact on today and tomorrow.  Joy comes in knowing that it’s not too late to turn things around.  With every new day, you have the opportunity to make a better choice, to right a wrong or to encourage yourself and others to keep pushing.

Know that trouble does not always last.

Joy comes in knowing that whatever situation you are dealing with right now; it will not last forever.  While going through a challenge in life, things can seem very dark.  You can’t always see the light at the end of the tunnel.  But, instead of focusing on the problem, focus your attention on solutions like working the 12 Steps, going to AA or NA meetings, and staying in contact with your support network.

See the good.

This is an old cliché, but it it’s true — “Things could always be worse.”  Make the decision to focus on the good in every situation.  It’s the old glass-half-full attitude that brings an unbridled sense of joy.  Focus on the good things you have, not what you don’t have. Be grateful for what you can do, don’t harbor regret for what you cannot do.

Focusing your mind on the right thoughts can help you maintain a sense of joyfulness regardless of what is happening around you. When we realize that our perspective can shift our enjoyment of life and that at the end of the day, we are in charge of our feelings and our destiny, it becomes much easier to start finding joy in everyday life.

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For more information, resources, and encouragement, like the Fellowship Hall Facebook page and follow us on Instagram at @FellowshipHallNC.

About Fellowship Hall

For 50 years, Fellowship Hall has been saving lives. We are a 99-bed, private, not-for-profit alcohol and drug treatment center located on 120 tranquil acres in Greensboro, N.C. We provide treatment and evidence-based programs built upon the Twelve-Step model of recovery. We have been accredited by The Joint Commission since 1974 as a specialty hospital and are a member of the National Association of Addiction Treatment Providers. We are committed to providing exceptional, compassionate care to every individual we serve.

Tossing Negativity Into the Fire

Young and cheerful friends sitting and fry marshmallows near bonfire at night time on the nature

Every one of us goes through times where we feel bogged down by negative emotions, triggered by traumatic or stressful events, and just generally at the end of our ropes. All this negativity can bounce around our heads all day long, serving as continual reinforcement that leads us to feel burnt out, depressed, or anxious. Luckily, we don’t have to live with these thoughts. We can choose to let go and move on. Of course, it’s easier than it sounds. Getting to a place of self-actualization and confidence doesn’t happen overnight. A great way to get started is to take a physical representation of your negative thoughts, like a scrap of paper with a few thoughts jotted down, and destroy it, by tossing it into a bonfire (s’mores optional but highly encouraged). This is freeing and incredibly cathartic as one embarks on their recovery journey. Several of the Twelve Steps touch on making amends and becoming a better version of ourselves. Consider having a releasing ceremony around a bonfire with your closest friends, family members, or even just by yourself.

What exactly is a releasing ceremony? It’s a lot simpler than it probably sounds.

• Write your most pressing resentments or negative thoughts down on a scrap of paper.

Journaling is already known as an excellent method for reflection and healing. Take that same principle of writing out what’s bothering you and apply it to a scrap of paper – just a shortened list of a few things that have been weighing especially heavy on your mind.

• Toss the paper into the bonfire.

Once you feel that you’ve gotten everything in your head onto your scrap of paper, go ahead and throw it into the bonfire. Watch as the paper, filled with resentments and negative thoughts, slowly begins to burn and crisp up, then quickly disappears among the flames. The smoke produced from burning the scraps of paper floats up high into the sky along with the stress and anxiety weighing you down.

• Toast up some s’mores and celebrate your new outlook!

Now that you’ve seen how easy it can be to let go and focus on positive things that truly matter, reward yourself (and your fellow friends around the fire) with some tasty s’mores. There’s nothing like some comfort food after an emotionally comforting experience. Who ever heard of a bonfire without s’mores anyway?!

Of course, your problems won’t just disappear after burning them up in a fire. However, you should now at least feel a bit less burdened. You confronted something that had been bothering you, looked it in the face, and tossed it away to disappear. Out of sight, out of mind. View this as the first step in a longer process of eventual healing and forgiveness, both to yourself and to those who have wronged you.

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For more information, resources, and encouragement, “like” the Fellowship Hall Facebook page and follow us on Instagram at @FellowshipHallNC.

About Fellowship Hall

For 50 years, Fellowship Hall has been saving lives. We are a 99-bed, private, not-for-profit alcohol and drug treatment center located on 120 tranquil acres in Greensboro, N.C. We provide treatment and evidence-based programs built upon the Twelve-Step model of recovery. We have been accredited by The Joint Commission since 1974 as a specialty hospital and are a member of the National Association of Addiction Treatment Providers. We are committed to providing exceptional, compassionate care to every individual we serve.

Keeping Love Alive: Navigating Valentine’s Day in Recovery

Around this time of year, love is in the air and people everywhere are ready to celebrate that love with the ones closest to them. Sounds perfect, right? Well, if you don’t have that special someone to share the holiday with this year, you may not be feeling like celebrating. On the other hand, maybe you do have a loved one you’d like to enjoy Valentine’s Day with, but you’re early in your recovery and worried that not being able to indulge in your past V-Day traditions – champagne, wine, cocktails – will prove to be too triggering or difficult and lead to relapse. Either way, February 14^th may not seem like the stress-free day of love that it used to be.

Here are a few ideas to help you get out of your head and be able to enjoy the holiday of love with your partner, your family, or with your own company – which can be the best company there is!

• Enjoy a mini-vacation weekend. Drive out to the beach, to the mountains – anywhere you (and/or your partner) can go clear your head and leave behind the hustle and bustle of everyday life. Use the holiday as a chance to rest up and spend quality time alone or with your partner around beautiful scenery.
• Write a love letter to your Higher Power. Give yourself a reason to show gratitude for your recovery on Valentine’s Day. List out ways in which finding your Higher Power has improved your life, and ways in which you plan to strengthen your relationship with your Higher Power as you continue navigating your recovery.
• Spend time with family. Valentine’s Day isn’t solely concerned with romantic love. Show the people in your family that you love and appreciate them by giving them a kind gift or going out to a nice meal together. Keep your family bonds strong so that they can continue being there for you in your recovery.
• Attend a meeting. If you’re alone and struggling with your recovery on Valentine’s Day, you’re absolutely not alone. Find a nearby meeting to attend so that you can connect with others and receive encouragement and support to keep going. If you have a partner, perhaps spend time with them looking for local Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meetings that they can start attending.
• Stream a favorite movie or show. If all else fails, Netflix will always be waiting for you. Grab some chocolates or some cake and snuggle in with your favorite film or TV series – nothing heals the heart like comfort and familiarity (and sugar).

However you end up spending your Valentine’s Day, remember: You are not alone. One of the most important recovery messages rings even truer on a holiday centered around love and deep, meaningful social interactions. No matter what your situation is, there are people out there who support you and are ready to show you and your recovery love whenever you are ready to receive it. Enjoy your holiday, and more importantly, enjoy those chocolates!

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For more information, resources, and encouragement, “like” the Fellowship Hall Facebook page and follow us on Instagram at @FellowshipHallNC.

About Fellowship Hall

For 50 years, Fellowship Hall has been saving lives. We are a 99-bed, private, not-for-profit alcohol and drug treatment center located on 120 tranquil acres in Greensboro, N.C. We provide treatment and evidence-based programs built upon the Twelve-Step model of recovery. We have been accredited by The Joint Commission since 1974 as a specialty hospital and are a member of the National Association of Addiction Treatment Providers. We are committed to providing exceptional, compassionate care to every individual we serve.

Staying on the Lookout for Relapse Triggers

Hands holding binoculars on green background, looking through binoculars, journey, find and search concept.

Protecting your recovery at all costs must be emphasized at all stages of recovery.  Relapse starts well before a person picks up using a drink or a drug, so developing insight into your relapse triggers is a concept that needs continual assessment and evaluation during and after treatment.  You may ask, “What the heck is a trigger?”  A trigger can be best described as a person, place, thing, feeling, or situation that leads to a thought that taking a drink or using a drug would be a good idea.

As a person in recovery, it is your responsibility to identify and be aware of your own triggers.  A trigger prompts a thought, which if it is romanced, can become a craving.  Smash that thought, play the tape to the end, and remember the pain you felt in active addiction.  Remember the H.A.L.T concept.  When you become restless, irritable, and discontent, continually ask yourself, “Am I hungry, angry, lonely, or tired?”  If so, these feelings could increase the risk of relapse.  Only you have the power to address these feelings with the recovery tools you now possess.

We encourage people new to recovery to focus on developing healthy communication skills and learning to be emotionally intimate with peers before diving head first into a relationship rooted in physical attraction. In early recovery, the newcomer is still early in developing healthy emotional coping skills.  Romantic relationships and sexual acting out can detract a person from focusing on sobriety and often leads to a quick relapse.  Most addicts and alcoholics have used alcohol or drugs to cope with emotions.  The newcomer is an infant in emotional sobriety.  Talk about feelings openly in meetings and with a sponsor.  Most people will never heal what they do not feel.

Living in recovery will give you a life worth living.  Be aware of complacency, euphoric recall (thinking back to your drinking or using with happiness or nostalgia), and forgetting the pain that addiction has caused. Be conscious not to drift away from recovery. Regular AA and NA attendance is extremely important.  It’s an easy and common mistake for people to reduce meeting attendance, stop calling a sponsor, or just stop going to AA/NA altogether!  Again, recovery gives people a great life that can end up taking them right back out of recovery when life improves.  Remember, the brain chemistry has been changed.  You will be triggered at some point in time.  Tell on your disease before a trigger is romanced into a craving.  Remember to continually assess your motives for being around certain people or going certain places.  Think before you drink or use.  The time to call your sponsor is before, not after!  One Day at a Time.

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For more information, resources, and encouragement, “like” the Fellowship Hall Facebook page and follow us on Instagram at @FellowshipHallNC.

About Fellowship Hall

For 50 years, Fellowship Hall has been saving lives. We are a 99-bed, private, not-for-profit alcohol and drug treatment center located on 120 tranquil acres in Greensboro, N.C. We provide treatment and evidence-based programs built upon the Twelve-Step model of recovery. We have been accredited by The Joint Commission since 1974 as a specialty hospital and are a member of the National Association of Addiction Treatment Providers. We are committed to providing exceptional, compassionate care to every individual we serve.

Overcoming Communication Challenges in Addiction

Why can’t they hear anything I say?

How to overcome the challenges of communicating with a loved one struggling with addiction

Communicating with someone you love is not always easy.  Too often, conversations end with disagreements, misunderstandings and even broken relationships. If you are struggling to communicate with a loved one suffering from addiction, here are some helpful guidelines that may get your relationship back on track.

Always start with “I love you”

It’s true that “I love you” is one of the most powerful phrases one can say to another.  Although it is not enough to cure a loved one of addiction, letting your loved one know that you are coming from a place of love is the best way to start any tough conversation.  It assures them that what you are saying is not meant to cause hurt feelings but must be said because you care deeply about them and their well-being. Make your communication direct, honest and most importantly loving.

Acknowledge that you understand what they are going through

Empathy goes a long way when supporting someone struggling with addiction.  They may want to quit, but find it’s not that simple.  Many factors are at play when it comes to addiction.  They may be on an emotional rollercoaster, working through feelings that range from happiness, anger, loneliness to shame and embarrassment.  Your loved one may also be facing old friendships that are not conducive to their recovery, challenging their decision to remain clean and sober.  Your loved one wants to know that you understand they are having a difficult time.

Set boundaries

It is healthy for your loved one to know your limits: how far they can go with you and how far you will go with them.  Setting boundaries establishes that you are willing to support them in recovery but unwilling to engage in enabling behaviors. Participating in a treatment program for family recovery is a great way to discover your enabling behaviors and learn how to set boundaries for yourself and your loved one.

Make yourself available to listen without judgment

This step has two parts.  The first is making yourself available to listen, not just to talk. When relationships are strained due to the erratic behaviors of addiction, it’s easy for both the family members and the addict to become dismissive of one another while telling their side of things. However, it is important to know that your loved one needs you to listen and pay attention to their thoughts and feelings.  Part two of this step may be the hardest: listening without judgment.  Judgement is when you impose your beliefs and values on someone else.  It is an act that can shut down communications immediately with you. Remember, criticizing and judging only make someone hurt more and is counterproductive to helping your loved one.

Understand that addiction is a disease

Educating yourself on the disease of addiction will help you keep the emotional or moral perspective out the conversation.  Saying things to your loved one like, “Why don’t you just stop,” or having thoughts such as, “I need to fix this for them,” are removed once you understand that addiction is not a behavior problem, but a medical diagnosis just like heart disease or diabetes.  It’s a chronic brain condition that causes compulsive drug and alcohol usage despite the harmful consequences it may cause to the user or others around them. Also, understand addiction needs proper treatment for recovery, just like any chronic disease.

Using these steps can help you hone your communication skills and build a stronger relationship with your loved one in a constructive and supportive way.

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For more information, resources, and encouragement, “like” the Fellowship Hall Facebook page and follow us on Instagram at @FellowshipHallNC.

About Fellowship Hall

For 50 years, Fellowship Hall has been saving lives. We are a 99-bed, private, not-for-profit alcohol and drug treatment center located on 120 tranquil acres in Greensboro, N.C. We provide treatment and evidence-based programs built upon the Twelve-Step model of recovery. We have been accredited by The Joint Commission since 1974 as a specialty hospital and are a member of the National Association of Addiction Treatment Providers. We are committed to providing exceptional, compassionate care to every individual we serve.

Enabling VS. Caregiving

Elderly senior person or grandparent’s hands with red heart in support of nursing family caregiver for national hospice palliative care and family caregivers month concept

Enabling and caregiving both involve a strong desire to love, help and nurture another person. These desires are amplified, often with a sense urgency and desperation, for those with loved ones in active addiction.  The reality, however, is that many of the behaviors that seem “helpful” are actually quite the opposite. We can literally love others to death. Here we will differentiate between caregiving and enabling (which we can also refer to as “caretaking” or codependency), offering a more helpful approach to supporting your loved one in active addiction.

Caregiving is the act of giving care to another person who is incapable of giving it to themselves. For example, it is developmentally appropriate to tie a two-year old’s shoes (if they cannot). Enabling or caretaking, on the other hand, is taking away another person’s ability to do something for themselves. When we get into a dynamic of enabling, we rob the other person of any opportunity to learn and experience the growth necessary to function on their own. This creates a mutual dependence that leads to more frustration and resentment for both parties.

When it comes to addiction, enabling adds fuel to the disease’s fire. If you enable your loved one in active addiction, these behaviors prevents them from experiencing the natural consequences of their own behaviors. Examples of enabling in relation to the addiction process include: giving money to an addict; repairing common property the addict broke; lying to the addict’s employer to cover up absenteeism; fulfilling the addict’s commitments to others; screening phone calls and making excuses for the addict; speaking for the addict or bailing him or her out of jail. It isn’t that these behaviors are “bad” or “wrong”, but it is clear they aren’t working to keep your loved one safe and sober.

To stop enabling isn’t easy. For many, the fear of a loved one losing his or her job, going to jail or overdosing is too much to create any lasting behavioral change. You may have to weigh consequences of short-term pain versus long-term misery in each case. However, the most important thing to know is that you do not have to make any of these decisions alone. Like Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous, Al-Anon and Nar-Anon provide space for those affected by the disease of addiction. Sponsors and other members of the community can help you navigate these challenging decisions, set boundaries that you are comfortable with and learn to enable your loved ones’ recovery instead of their addiction.

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For more information, resources, and encouragement, “like” the Fellowship Hall Facebook page and follow us on Instagram at @FellowshipHallNC.

About Fellowship Hall

For 50 years, Fellowship Hall has been saving lives. We are a 99-bed, private, not-for-profit alcohol and drug treatment center located on 120 tranquil acres in Greensboro, N.C. We provide treatment and evidence-based programs built upon the Twelve-Step model of recovery. We have been accredited by The Joint Commission since 1974 as a specialty hospital and are a member of the National Association of Addiction Treatment Providers. We are committed to providing exceptional, compassionate care to every individual we serve.

Why You Should Be Keeping a Recovery Journal

Early recovery is often described as an emotional rollercoaster ride. Elation and relief can quickly turn into anger or shame as feelings come flooding back after being masked by substances for so long. Starting a recovery journal is a helpful way to make sense of these conflicting emotions. As the pen hits the paper, there exists a space for vulnerability and honesty to live and thrive.

The goal of a recovery journal is not to dwell on the past or look to the future, but instead to explore feelings in the present. Putting our thoughts down on paper helps us better understand our actions and reactions in a way that is seldom revealed to by simply talking or thinking. Writing gives us the answer to questions we never even knew we had.

A recovery journal can be as simple or as creative as you’d like! Some prefer keeping an electronic copy on their phone or computer, while others choose notebooks or specialty journals —  regardless of the medium, consistency is key.  Your recovery journal becomes a way to track your moods, growth and the challenges of daily living. It helps you see where barriers exist and how you have used recovery tools to deal with them. Here are a few ideas to include in your journal:

• What am I grateful for today?
• What can I celebrate?
• How would I rate my day today on a scale of 1-10? Why?
• What am I feeling, specifically?
• What did I do well today?
• What can I improve on?
• What did I do for my recovery today?
• What did I do for others today?

As the pen glides or the keys click, the words and sentences come together as a crucial reminder of what it was like, what happened and what it is like now. The options for your journal are endless, but keep in mind that this is not the place for formality! Find a comfortable place to settle in, turn your “editor” off and get writing! Let your words speak your truth and your truth keep you sober.

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For more information, resources, and encouragement, “like” the Fellowship Hall Facebook page and follow us on Instagram at @FellowshipHallNC.

About Fellowship Hall

For 50 years, Fellowship Hall has been saving lives. We are a 99-bed, private, not-for-profit alcohol and drug treatment center located on 120 tranquil acres in Greensboro, N.C. We provide treatment and evidence-based programs built upon the Twelve-Step model of recovery. We have been accredited by The Joint Commission since 1974 as a specialty hospital and are a member of the National Association of Addiction Treatment Providers. We are committed to providing exceptional, compassionate care to every individual we serve.

5 Tips for Effective Holiday Self-care

The countdown to the holidays is on!  For many, holidays mean delightful aromas, twinkling lights and celebrations with friends and family. For some, along with the anticipation of sharing joyous times together comes the realization that the holidays can be challenging when you’re in recovery. But, there is good news! It doesn’t have to be a struggle if you make a plan for your holiday self-care. Planning holiday self-care promotes your responsibility for recovery.  It requires you to spend time and energy focusing on you and becoming comfortable with being clean and sober. The best part is you don’t have to do it alone. Here are five tips to help you develop an effective self-care plan for the upcoming holiday season:

1. Make time to attend extra meetings.

Look for opportunities to attend extra AA or NA meetings in conjunction with your normal meeting days. Keep in mind that the more meetings you attend during the holidays, the more likely you are to remain clean and sober, preventing a relapse. A special tip: attend a meeting on the holiday before beginning the festivities.

2. Stay in contact with your support network.

Connecting with those who support your recovery is crucial. After all, that’s what they’re there for, to help you through the tough times when you need them the most.  So, don’t try to do it alone. Reach out to your therapist, recovery friends and family, and to your sponsor.

3. Come early, leave early.

Arriving a bit early to the party and leaving early will enable you to have the best of both worlds. You can stay long enough to enjoy time with your friends and family but, leave early to avoid any behaviors that may trigger your desire to use. Special tip: take a friend who is also in recovery with you and serve as one another’s accountability partners.

4. As much as possible, maintain a normal schedule.

During the holidays there may be some deviation from your daily routine but, as much as possible, try to maintain your regular schedule. This means continuing your work schedule, getting plenty of rest and finding time to do productive things that you enjoy. Your holiday self-care plan should create a balance between activities and rest. This will help you to avoid triggering dangerous emotions like stress or boredom.

5. Opt out when you need to.

Understand that it is OK to say no to an invitation. Do an evaluation of who is attending and what type of activities are planned.  Then, determine if going will threaten your recovery in any way. If so, don’t feel bad. Just politely thank the host and decline the invitation. People who are in your corner for recovery will understand.

Investing time to prepare for self–care allows you to think of the holiday season in a different way and marks the start of a new tradition in your life of recovery.

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For more information, resources, and encouragement, “like” the Fellowship Hall Facebook page and follow us on Instagram at @FellowshipHallNC.

About Fellowship Hall

For 50 years, Fellowship Hall has been saving lives. We are a 99-bed, private, not-for-profit alcohol and drug treatment center located on 120 tranquil acres in Greensboro, N.C. We provide treatment and evidence-based programs built upon the Twelve-Step model of recovery. We have been accredited by The Joint Commission since 1974 as a specialty hospital and are a member of the National Association of Addiction Treatment Providers. We are committed to providing exceptional, compassionate care to every individual we serve.

Holiday Hang-ups: Avoiding Common Triggers

celebration, holidays and people concept – happy family having tea party at home

In recent years, connecting and spending quality time with those we love has been increasingly difficult due to the COVID-19 pandemic. Thankfully, though, we have adapted and found ways to work alongside the pandemic so that we can remain supported and connected to our recovery networks while we are in early recovery. In 2022, we can finally look forward to a holiday season full of love, laughter, support, and the connection we crave.

Being able to get together again sounds great in theory, but for some people in early recovery, it can set off a panic alarm. What if I’m offered a drink at a party? What will people think when I say no? Will I have to explain my situation to strangers? How comfortable will I be? Know that if you find yourself facing these questions, you are not alone. The holidays can be as stressful as they are joyful. However, with a little confidence, perseverance, and checking in with your support network, you can handle any holiday get-together like a pro. Below are a few common concerns and ideas to help get you out of your head.

• What if I’m offered a drink at a holiday party or get-together?

First, make sure you are surrounded by people you know and trust. People who understand your situation and support your decisions should be the only kind of people you are spending your time with. Make a plan before the event to make sure you do not find yourself in this situation. For example, notify the wait staff or party host that you’d prefer sparking water instead of alcohol.

• Can I ask other party guests not to drink?

If you are in an environment surrounded by supportive friends and family, make this request known beforehand. You cannot fully control the decisions of others, but you can create an environment where your request is more likely to be understood and followed. For example, don’t focus on finding big parties hosted by other people. Have your own sober get-together at your own house and keep it lowkey, inviting only those you know, love, and trust. Your house, your rules.

• What if I get bored or start experiencing cravings?

Sadly, these feelings are unavoidable – especially if it is holiday time and you are new in your recovery. Remember to connect with your recovery support network in times of struggle, boredom, or craving. Do not feel afraid to leave a party early if you must. FaceTime, text, Zoom, anything to get you talking to someone who knows what you’re going through and can offer words of support and encouragement. Utilize the connections you spent time building in treatment and during early recovery – since it is holiday time, chances are, others in your network are also struggling. In these instances, a conversation can be mutually beneficial.

It may seem hard to believe, but there are people in your corner who want you to be safe and comfortable this holiday season – even if that means they’ll be skipping a drink or two when they see you! Don’t lose sight of those connections during the holiday season and keep your support network close. The holidays are all about togetherness, which goes hand in hand with the philosophy of recovery. Take this stressful time and turn it into a positive experience – you already have all the tools you need. From Fellowship Hall, have a very happy, sober holiday!

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For more information, resources, and encouragement, “like” the Fellowship Hall Facebook page and follow us on Instagram at @FellowshipHallNC.

About Fellowship Hall

For 50 years, Fellowship Hall has been saving lives. We are a 99-bed, private, not-for-profit alcohol and drug treatment center located on 120 tranquil acres in Greensboro, N.C. We provide treatment and evidence-based programs built upon the Twelve-Step model of recovery. We have been accredited by The Joint Commission since 1974 as a specialty hospital and are a member of the National Association of Addiction Treatment Providers. We are committed to providing exceptional, compassionate care to every individual we serve.

The Power of Pause

When someone says, “Hey, how’s it going?” in passing, do you take a moment to think about your response? Or by way of verbal muscle memory, do you reply, “Good — and you?” Often, you probably respond and keep walking, not even stopping to hear what the person has to say. What if today you took a quick moment to pause your life, and to genuinely respond and actively listen?

In this new age of fast food, fast cash, social media, and constantly connection, humans have certainly become accustomed to instant gratification, and rapid reaction. When something in your life happens that is beyond your control, it can be tempting to react immediately because that’s what you’ve become used to. It can become a habit or a pattern to say “yes” to an email quickly to get it out of your inbox, to be snappy with a loved one when they say something you don’t agree with, or even to get angry at yourself quickly when you do something wrong. These immediate reactions separate you from your ability to think ahead, to “play the full tape through,” and they don’t account for what may happen as a result of your response.

Your immediate emotions are almost always rooted in frustration, anger, anxiety, sadness, and fear—because these are the emotions that are familiar to those who have suffered from substance use disorder, the ones that the disease feeds on. These are emotions that don’t require much thought or patience, they’re instant, and they’re what you might know best.

In all the moments of your daily life that you spend rushing through, reacting quickly, what if you took just a few of them to pause? What if you recognized a situation, and took a few seconds to breathe before responding?

Step three offers some of this wisdom

…Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of our higher power as we understood it.

As you turn your life over to something bigger than yourself, your higher power as you understand it, you can accept your inability to control your problems or situations in your life. The only thing you can control in your life is how you react to things. Step three says:

In all times of emotional disturbance or indecision, we can pause, ask for quiet, and in the stillness simply say: “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage the change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Infinite power and spiritual energy lies within the moment between something happening in your life and your active response to it. This includes how you treat others, and how you treat yourself. There are very few things in your life that require an immediate action, and it is healthy, and productive to take some time to think about what you might say or do before pressing “play” again.

In recovery, this is how you can work to prevent a return to use. When a problem arises in your life, take your moment of pause and ask your higher power for quiet and understanding, or seek counsel from a sponsor or the collective wisdom of a home group. In your life, the power of your pauses protects you from hurting others and yourself.

As you pause, you are able to step aside and react to things from a place of empowerment, of steadiness, and of serenity. You’re able to provide thoughtful responses, exercise your personal boundaries, and meet others with understanding and love.

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For more information, resources, and encouragement, “like” the Fellowship Hall Facebook page and follow us on Instagram at @FellowshipHallNC.

About Fellowship Hall

For 50 years, Fellowship Hall has been saving lives. We are a 99-bed, private, not-for-profit alcohol and drug treatment center located on 120 tranquil acres in Greensboro, N.C. We provide treatment and evidence-based programs built upon the Twelve-Step model of recovery. We have been accredited by The Joint Commission since 1974 as a specialty hospital and are a member of the National Association of Addiction Treatment Providers. We are committed to providing exceptional, compassionate care to every individual we serve.